By: LJ Ober
If you are like many people, you may have questioned at some point or another...why in the heck that you got married! If you have been married for a very long time, you may have wondered how you have managed to stay married for all of those long years. It is a common question to ask yourself... sooo...yes, I'm pretty confident that you've pondered that question! Because marriage is hard right? It is an ongoing commitment beyond saying the questionable "I DO".
It warms my heart when I see old couples still holding hands and showing sincere appreciation and love for each other! It inspires my heart once again that true Love does exist and can potentially last..."Till death do us part".
I am one of the minority of people that have been married for over a quarter of a century. Which is not too common these days since many people do not make it much past 10 years.
I wish I could say that... I am blissfully in love...the same as when we first started dating or as early on in our marriage! And in a perfect world, I would wish he was the love of my life or my soul mate, but I'm not so sure that, that exists for majority of couples. I'm not even convinced that there is one soul mate for each of and every one of us!
It is a natural course of life for the feelings of love to change or fade in time. You may still have love for your spouse,... but in a different way!...Perfectly normal. If there was a way for marriage to easily become null and void without a complicated divorce then there would be many more couples calling it quits.
That is where GRATITUDE comes in!... Shear appreciation for the person that you have bonded with for many years, whom has taken care of you when time was tough and who you’ve possibly raised a family with.
I do love my hubby greatly! And I am very grateful for all that he has done and sacrificed for our family! I married him for security and knowing he would never cheat on me and be a fantastic father figure... for our 'someday children’!
The same reasons I married him still stand true today. He keeps us safe, warm, secure and he is a great dad!
So...our marriage contract is NOT "null and void".
He is a wonderful man, plus still handsome as ever (bonus)! Though he is sometimes critical and a bit defensive (drives me crazy), I am also pretty sure that there are most likely ways in which I am not his perfect somebody or am not holding up to his standards.
Still ...our marriage contract is NOT "null and void".
I often wonder how did I stay married for over 30 years? I'm not sure if I even believe in marriage anymore - with today's -day and age of disposable feelings! I mean . . .it’d be great to have my own space and freedom, right? I believe the answer is the "gratitude" that I have for my spouse plus the unconditional love that I have for my family unit!
Unfortunately there are far and few couples that can stay in love for their whole married life! What’s crazy is that some marriages come to an end, even though there is still love in the heart. I don't quite understand how some couples can casually walk away for trivial reasons.
My question is this,... IF there WAS something special there in the relationship once before like a strong connection and chemistry .....where did it go?
The type and amount of love may change to a different degree after many years of marriage, but gratitude should still be there! Right? After all, this is the person that has seen you through many ups and downs and changes. Sickness and in health and so forth. Isn't that worth the gratitude?
I do however understand about those who break up because they married waaay too young. . . before they even knew what love was in the first place. And ended up with nothing in common, no compatibility or chemistry. Society simply assumes that people get married because they were Blissfully In Love.... which is not always the case. Many people get married for the absolutely wrong reasons before they even know who they are! Hence, you do not hear very much understanding or support for them.
I am not in anyway a marriage expert but I encourage you that . . .if or when the love for your significant other starts to fade, look deeper inside towards gratitude and listen to your heart.
TRY THIS. . . Make a list of all that your spouse has done for you and your family that you are grateful for. Look deeper within at not only the reasons that you want to walk away, but also at what brought you two together in the first place. See if a change of heart can take place with replacing some of the worn out feelings with gratitude because it could very well blossom into falling in love all over again! Who knows, right? ttyl
My intention is to help you find the value in things once loved. Giving you insights on my own thrifting, up-cycle ventures and being a shoppe owner. Plus insider help for the start of your own successful vintage or antique booth business.